September 21st, 2015

I try my best to write this post in a positive tone but forgive me if this still sounds negative and frustrated.

Educator is different with teacher. Yup, I am still a mere teacher and my journey to be a real educator is still pretty far from that name. But I learn how to educate my students, not only teaching them Mathematics which is one of my specialty. I help them to improve, brainstorm together how to solve their, mostly teenager, problems, and support as much as I can for their development. My responsibilities are not limited inside the classroom area. My thoughts for them are not labelled only between teachers and students. I try my best to be educator on my own perspective. And a better education title, which conclude a deeper experience, will help to pursue that truly educator spirit.

Until this day come.

I met the boards in order to communicate my willingness to study. I bring my very best effort there from my home, so we can have a better understanding toward my status there. Still in the morning, I met one of board member that I used to meet. With a bright smile I introduced myself and let him know my purpose to meet there. With no expression he delivered his doubts on me and highlighted on how fatal my lateness is. I am late, I know that, but I put my principle on a simple sentence: “lebih baik terlambat daripada tidak sama sekali”. His statements, yes more than one doubting statement, clarified my position there. Giving up? No. I believed the other board members are better than this one. They are people with at least master degree along their name. I believe, they are educators, surely better, too.

Maybe, I was wrong all the time.

Instead of saying more constructive feedback, they put even more negativity on their words. Like I am a total failure; my lateness status, all of my historical backgrounds, and other things on me were used as weapon to shoot me. Yes, they are group of people with high education title and many numbers of education research. But, I don’t believe that they are educators. At least, not on my own definition. Well, I learn something. They become very good role model for me in the future, so I can pursue my dream by not erasing educator side that I already plant on myself. I put my oath that I will help anyone’s dreams to develop, but not kill it and waste it like a big no.

My pursue needs to continue. I believe God always have the best plan for each of us to go. If it isn’t now, then later will be a right time for me. 🙂